


Ending the Cycle

by sugarcookiedean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cutting, Homophobic Language, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Thoughts, graphic descriptions of blood and cutting, poor self esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 14:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6198802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarcookiedean/pseuds/sugarcookiedean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Striving, failing, thriving, falling, cutting, regretting, repeating.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ending the Cycle

_Striving, failing, thriving, falling, cutting, regretting, repeating._

This was the eternal circle that viciously controlled Dean’s life. Never ending never stopping. Just the words of his father circling in his head 

_You’re nothing…. Only good for one thing. Protect your brother._

The blood slides down his thigh pooling on the crease of his knee, pain numbing the emotions that swirl inside. 

_Sammy doesn’t need you anymore. He is all grown. You are useless. ___

The slices become deeper and the thoughts become louder clouding his senses and Dean lies down on his bed, closing his eyes and letting himself float on the high of the pain. The pain envelops him letting the thoughts subside for just a moment as Dean catches his breath and gathers himself to clean the wounds.

“Dean?” 

Dean reaches to grab the covers before Cas sees the damage to his thighs but it’s too late. 

“What did you do? Don’t worry… I am going to get the gauze.” Cas quickly walked into the bathroom, scrambling to find the antiseptic and bandages. Dean collapsed onto the pillows, flush with embarrassment. 

_Such a weak pussy. I bet he left your sorry ass. Stupid Fucking Fag. Why would he want to stay with such a scarred disgusting…_

“Dean?” Cas climbs onto the bed, “Can I clean them off?” Blue eyes meet green and Dean feels the world collapse around him. Secrets are exposed and he feels completely naked in front of his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, “ Dean pulls down the covers, expecting Cas to look away in disgust with the old and new scars. Instead, Cas bends down and kisses each one lovingly, cleaning and covering each of the wounds with care and love Dean has never experienced before. Tears fall down freckled cheeks and Cas wipes them away. 

“Why?” Dean looks at Castiel’s face and is met with a look of complete love. “Dean, I don’t understand. How can I help you understand?” 

“What the fuck do I need to understand, Cas?” Dean looks away and covers himself with the blanket. “ I’m fine.” Cas snuggled behind Dean, placing his arm over top of Dean’s waist. 

“Cas, seriously I’ll be fine.” Dean huffs and tries to shake him off with no luck. 

“I don’t think you are fine, Dean. I love you. You are hurting yourself…” 

“It helps.” Dean turns over and looks at Cas. Castiel’s nose scrunches and he eskimo kisses Dean. A small smile erupts on Dean’s face and Cas realizes that he has turned Dean’s mood around. 

“What do you mean,”It helps”? “ His hand rubs against Dean’s week old stubble. Dean leans into his hand and sighs. 

“ I am worthless now. Sammy is all grown up. I my job was to protect him.” Dean looks at the ceiling. 

“No, it was your father’s” Cas slips himself next to Dean and holds him as tight as he can. He prays to what ever powers that may be that one day Dean realizes how much more his life means with him in it. 

“Dean, you are the greatest thing in my life right now. My family disowned me and my church abandoned me but you are here loving every second of our lives together. I love you.” Straddling Dean, Cas grabs Dean’s face and forces him to look up. Tears stream down Dean’s face and Cas wipes them away just as gentle as he cleaned Dean’s wounds. 

“ You are my moon and stars. You lit up the path for me when no one else did.” Cas whispers his lips barely touching Dean’s full pout. 

“ You are my sun and sky.” Dean’s voice is thick with emotion, as he closes the gap between them. Their lips crashing together likes waves on a beach, perfectly sweet and salty from Dean’s now dried up tears. 

“I never knew how much I meant to you.” Dean looks up to Cas (who is still in his lap) with a smile. 

“Well then Maybe I should start to tell you more often.” Cas laughs and Dean smiles realizing how fucking lucky he was to be here in this moment. 

_Striving, failing, thriving, falling, cutting, regretting, healing, recovering, loving, beginning_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me at sugarcookiedean on tumblr! (winchstr.co.vu) All Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


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